On the morning of May 6, President Bush addressed a gathering on the South Lawn at the White House. The President honored six recipients of the annual President's Volunteer Service Awards. Five women and one man, spouses of United States Armed Forces personnel, were recognized for their commitment to their spouses' duty to country and for their personal contributions to their respective communities through good works.
Military spouses weren't always treated so well.
"If you were meant to have a family, you'd have been issued one." This was a common attitude in the early years of the military family. The few spouses there were had little support or opportunities, and often felt like outsiders in a very closed community. Seen only as an extension of the service member, the spouse could suffer a loss of identity and individual purpose.
Now, however, gone are the days of the mainly single, male military recruit. An all-volunteer force, as the U.S. has today, usually comes with family attached. In October 2007, there were approximately 755,000 military spouses in all branches of the Armed Forces. Over time, the Department of Defense has come to recognize the important contributions of the military spouse to the service member's morale and to the military community.
Formal Recognition
Military Spouse Day was instituted in 1984 by then-President Ronald Reagan to honor the wives and husbands who support United States military men and women. This year, President Bush issued a proclamation commemorating May 9, 2008 as Military Spouse Day. But just what is a "military spouse" and how do you measure their service to country?
To be a military spouse is to be married to a United States soldier, sailor, airman, marine or national guardsman, active or reserve. To be a military spouse is to endure separations from your husband or wife during times of war or peace, to move at a moment's notice to follow your spouse to the next duty assignment—sometimes halfway around the world.
It is to live in a foreign country without the ready support of extended family and a constant adaptation to new communities at home and abroad. Military spouses are peripherally subject to the early morning drills and the late night vigils. They juggle schedules so that their spouse can meet commitments in their service to country, raise children, and keep families intact during long separations.
Brooke Medina, whose husband James is a staff sergeant and corrections officer at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, described the military spouse as "Someone who is extremely supportive of their husband's career, willing to roll with the punches."
Medina said her husband tells her there's a difference between the soldiers who get support from their spouses and those who don't, that it makes his job a lot easier and a lot less stressful.
"You have to encourage them," she said. "It affects morale." "My father says all Army wives should have the rank of their husbands," said Deborah Dodge, whose husband Wes is an E-3 in aviation, currently stationed with his family at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. "They go through what their husbands do. They go through quite a bit."
Deborah was surprised to learn that there is also an unofficial military spouse medal designed to recognize the importance of the spouse's commitment to the service member, but she said she is a new Army wife and therefore not yet worthy of one.
The medal certificate states, "The spouse does not wear a uniform yet they serve their country. They do not acquire or wear ribbons showing where they have been yet they go. They did not ask for the duty they perform yet they unwaveringly serve to their best ability."
Employment and Education Woes
There are two unique and difficult factors that affect military spouses. One is employment opportunities and the other is education for themselves and/or their children.
As members of a transient population, military spouses often have difficulty securing employment. However, spouses may already have successful careers in which they wish to continue or advance.
Part of the problem is that they are often not residents of the states in which they reside and are therefore not eligible for employment services. They may have the skills but lack the ability to commit to employers who understandably want to obtain and maintain full-time, long-term employees.
Education is another factor. If military spouses wish to start or continue their education, location can hamper these efforts. Sometimes, credits don't transfer or programs require that the larger share of education credits must be obtained in a specific institution. Frequent moves can throw a wrench into the education process.
The Fringe Benefits
Of course, being a military spouse has its perks. The travel benefits can't be beat. You can secure very low cost transportation to some of the most exciting destinations in the world. Passports and visas can often be obtained faster when you're already overseas and there are military hotels maintained by Morale, Welfare, and Recreation departments that offer low-cost, first-class accommodations in some prime locations such as Waikiki Beach and downtown Seoul, Korea.
You are also eligible for discounts with some major airlines, Amtrak, car rental companies, and hotels. Beyond that, engaging in a culture while stationed in a foreign country is an experience not to be had even in the most diverse of cities in the United States.
Spouses' Support
There are many resources available to military spouses for any number of needs. There are service-specific programs in place to care for the spouses and children left behind during deployments of the active duty members. This may include legal assistance, family care plans, morale, welfare, and recreation services, and tax relief, to name a few.
Deborah said she doesn't really enjoy military service that much, but finds "talking to others who have gone through it" helps her cope with the demands of military life. "My father was in the Army, so I talk with my mother, too."
Brooke believes her experience as a Marine dependent child may give her a coping advantage over new spouses. She remembers her father being absent from important events like birthdays and holidays. However, she also experienced emotional upset after this last move away from family. "What really helped," she said, "was we found a really good church…and people of faith who are supportive."
Other resources are easily found on the Internet. Military.com is the official Department of Defense website for military spouses. Additional support can be found at http://www.4militaryfamilies.com/ and there are numerous blogs hosted by military spouses that offer both support and personal understanding.
An additional resource is the book "Help! I'm a Military Spouse: I Get a Life, Too!" which was written by Holly Scherer and Kathie Hightower, two military spouses who also co-author the Married to the Military column in the Air Force/Army/Navy/Marine Corps Times newspapers.
It is impossible to fully describe the magnitude of sacrifice of spouses for their service members' commitment to country. To fully understand what it means to be a military spouse, it simply has to be experienced.
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