Genocide is the Most Extreme form of Bullying, Says Author

Ottawa—As an author internationally renowned for her insightful, compassionate advice on parenting, Barbara Coloroso in her latest book explores genocide and draws a link between genocide and bullying behaviours learned in childhood.

In Extraordinary Evil: A Brief History of Genocide... and Why It Matters, Coloroso examines three 20th century genocides: the Armenians in WWI; the Jews, Roma, and Sinti in WWII; and the Tutsis in Rwanda in 1994. She discusses the common threads among them, how genocides start, and how society might prevent them.

Coloroso was invited to Ottawa this week to deliver the keynote speech at the launch of Holocaust Education Week ¹ . Her talk on Monday night at Sir Robert Borden High School focused on the connection between bullying and genocide.

Speaking with The Epoch Times, Coloroso explains why "it's a short walk from schoolyard bullying to hate crimes to genocide."

She describes genocide as "the most extreme form of bullying that's a far-too-common system of behaviour that's learned in childhood."

"It's rooted in contempt for another human being who's been deemed by the bully and his or her accomplices to be worthless, inferior, and undeserving of respect. Once I have contempt for you, I could do anything to you and not feel any shame or compassion. I've removed you from my circle of needing to treat you as a human being."

The Bully, Bystander, and Power of Good

Coloroso said bullying often starts verbally. In the extreme form, you see groups being labelled as less than human, members referred to as "it." In Rwanda, hate speech incited people to kill, calling Tutsis "cockroaches" and "snakes" to be "crushed."

Relational bullying is the second most common form of bullying, for example isolating people, telling others not to associate with them or respect them. This appeared in the form of the Hutu Ten Commandments in Rwanda and the Nuremberg Laws in Nazi Germany.

Bullying and genocide need three characters: the bully, the bullied, and the bystander, said Coloroso. There wouldn't be a genocide without a bully who puts others outside the circle of moral concern, or without bystanders who participate and help.

Yet there were always people who, even at great cost to themselves, refused to go along. Instead, they stood up to protect others and relieve others' suffering.

In the Armenian genocide, Muslims were told they would be hanged on lampposts and their family destroyed if they fed the starving Armenians. Yet there were Muslims who reached out and fed Armenians, said Coloroso.

During the Holocaust there were Germans who rescued, harboured, and hid the Jews, Romas, and Sintis, and in Rwanda there were Hutus young and old who rescued the Tutsis, she said.

Coloroso believes the reason people help in such circumstances may lie in how they were raised.

Barbara Coloroso with Jean Paul. His story is in her book "Just Because It's Not Wrong Doesn't Make It Right." In the Rwandan genocide, Jean Paul witnessed his mother and two sisters being hacked to death. His father was killed trying to protect him. He suffered four machete cuts to the head. (Courtesy of Barbara Coloroso)

"As I've spoken to people who have stood up for others, I keep coming across people who say, 'how could I have not done it,' but also 'that's how I was raised.'"

Their power of good is the subject of her next book, on what gives "resistors," "defenders," and "witnesses" the courage to take a stand.

She likens them to renowned figures such as Burmese pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi, and Chinese human rights lawyer Gao Zhisheng.

Gao refused to be intimidated by the communist regime. He continued to defend the rights of Falun Gong practitioners and others being persecuted by the regime, even at great cost to his own safety and that of his family. "He was willing to do the right thing," Coloroso said.

"They are the ones who prick our conscience and say 'why are we being bystanders here and letting it continue to happen? Why are we supporting a government that is allowing this?'"

But they are also ordinary citizens among us, and this is the kind of children we need to raise, she said.

From Contempt to 'Deep Caring'

Contempt is learned, Coloroso said, yet it can be unlearned, and even transformed into "deep caring." Even children who are more aggressive, their empathy can be nurtured, and "we can channel that aggression into constructive things."

"What we want to do is root out anything in our children's lives that allows them to treat another human being with disdain."

"I don't tell children they have to like every kid in their class, or be their friend, but they must honour another child's humanity. When they name-call, relationally bully, or physically harm another person without caring, we have to say, wait a minute, stop that."

To reform the bully, hold them accountable and apply "restorative justice." "You have to fix what you did, figure out how you're going to keep it from happening again, and find a way to heal with the person you've so horribly harmed."

But also give the child "an opportunity to do good," and teach them friendship skills.

And "instead of cruising the hallway looking for someone to be mean to, get them rock-climbing or paddling a boat or running or bicycling."

Moreover, examine the impact of media, such as video games, music, TV, or cyber-bullying. "It can help them swim in a culture of mean." Some comedy has the effect of making people mock and laugh at another's pain, when they should be cringing, Coloroso said.

And when a relative at a family gathering tells a racist or sexist joke, let your kids hear you say "I'm bothered by that." When all the other relatives say "can't you take a joke," you say "not that kind." Our children need to see us care deeply about other human beings, she remarked.

"I'd like to believe that the more deeply caring I am, and the more I see every human being as connected in our common humanity, and . . . their loss should be a grave loss to us, ... then I think it is less likely that I would not stand up," said Coloroso.

Stopping Bullying, Locally and Globally

Coloroso would like her book to help people understand that "what we do in our families, schools, and communities very much impact not only what happens globally, but how we perceive what's happening globally."

She says the international community has fallen into the same trap with Darfur as with Rwanda, when Roméo Dallaire, then-commander of the U.N. peacekeeping mission, was ordered to remain neutral, partial, and act with the consent of both parties in the face of genocide.

Genocidaires are bent on destroying another group simply because of who they are. They use conflict to mask genocide, and will never be party to any form of peacekeeping or conflict resolution, whether it's negotiation, truce, disarmament, or even reasoning, said Coloroso.

Conflict and bullying are not the same, she said. Conflict is two parties fighting over something, like two children fighting over TV. It's "normal, natural, and necessary," whereas bullying and genocide are not. They are one-sided.

"Just as two kids are fighting over TV, you can remain neutral, partial, and consentable to both parties. That's going to work, but it's not going to work if the ten-year-old has the five-year-old's arm up in the back and the kid is screaming in pain."

She firmly believes that bullying and genocide must be stopped by a third party, the perpetrators brought to justice, reparation made, and the community healed through some kind of restorative justice.

"We're failing those in Darfur by trying to treat this as we did in Rwanda, as a peacekeeping issue," she said.

Coloroso said that if we can help our children learn to handle conflict non-violently, distinguish conflict from bullying, and see that bullying is not normal, then we would all be more ready to step in if bullying or genocide happens.

"If we don't do it, who is going to do it?"