“Gifford-Jones, I can’t give you a license for your new boat!”
That was the greeting on a phone message from Seager Marine. I returned the call immediately.
“Why?” I asked the staffer in a panic. “Were they going to take my boat away from me?” I asked myself.
“It’s because you’re an alien,” she replied. The New York State Department of Motor Vehicles requires that you meet six requirements.”
“An alien?” I asked. “I’m a Canadian, a good neighbor! I’ve owned property and boats in Canandaigua for 30 years! Do they think I’m going to blow up the city?”
“Well, you have to have six points in order to get a license,” she replied, matter-of-factly. And then she listed the requirements.
“But I’m a property owner,” I began indignantly.
“That’s one point,” she responded.
“And I have a passport.”
“But that’s no good—it’s Canadian.”
“And I have a Nexus card.” I was sure that would be worth several points because I had to be interviewed, photographed, and finger-printed by the U.S. and Canadian Departments of Immigration to be granted this pass for the border.
“Nope,” she said. “No good. Nobody knows about Nexus cards.”
So I tried another tack. “Well, I’m a member in good standing of The Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons.”
“Sorry. No points for that either. It’s not American.”
So I tried another tack and said, “What about my gray hair? I’ve never seen any gray-haired terrorists.” She replied, “It won’t work as it’s not on the list for points.”
Finally I shot my final ammunition. I said, “I’m a medical journalist and I’ve been writing a weekly column for The Daily Messenger for 30 years!” But this failed to elicit any response at all, and I realized she’d never heard of me. She might have had the decency to pretend she’d read at least one column, I thought.
At this point I felt like an alien from Mars and desperately wondered if I’d have to return the boat to Seager Marine after enjoying it for only five weeks. Or if not, would I be tossed in jail for failure to obtain a license?
But finally it was agreed. I could earn a point or two for having paid my taxes, telephone, and heating bills, and for having no evidence of a criminal record. This was still not enough to make six points though.
Ultimately it took the copying of my Canadian passport, and an override from Immigration authorities to grant a boat license to this foreigner.
So much for passports, fingerprinting, and Nexus cards! You can all feel safe now that I’ve paid my bills and will not blow up Canandaigua.
And whew! I have a boat license.
Dr. Gifford-Jones is a medical journalist with a private medical practice in Toronto.
Dr. Gifford-Jones’s Web site
